Thursday, April 17, 2014

Smartly Stupid

Michael Mayfield
Michael Mayfield, 17 and a senior at Edmonson High, was shot to death in the 2300 block of Lyndhurst yesterday afternoon in Windsor Hills*. His uncle says he saw the whole thing and that a man in a blue sweatshirt shot him four times and ran to a waiting car up the street; the uncle thinks it was mistaken identity.
    Fenton posted a video of peculiarly evasive police spokesperson at the scene (who is this guy?) and a photo of nine officers standing around while two men are sitting cuffed on the curb.

And a suspiciously dead person on the East side, near Crazy Ray's Auto Parts.

WTF?! A five-year-old had to have neurosurgery after "black juveniles" aged 10-14 threw concrete and rocks through the window of his home and into his skull on Edgecombe Circle. Question: if someone standing on the sidewalk in front of your house throws a rock through your window and fractures your preschooler's skull, is it legal to shoot and kill them from inside your house?

Here's a terrifying helmet cam video of a bicyclist having bottles thrown at him and then attacked by random teenaged hooligans on Guilford Avenue.

Officer Anthony Williams got 45 days in jail for "ratgate," claimed he'd beat up a handcuffed suspect again if he had the chance.

A man shot himself inside the bathroom of the ER at Johns Hopkins,* "days after the medical center held a national symposium on safety inside hospitals."

The City Paper helpfully published a guide to the new weed legislation so you can get "smartly stupid ... because, you know, you can really still fuck things up."

The New Yorker's Jeff Toobin hung out at the "gritty" North Avenue McDonald's talking to ex cons for his Tavon White article.

A fatal home invasion in Salisbury.

County firefighter Nicholas Hannigan-- a deputy chief-- claims that lighting random fires at unoccupied homes is a firefighter "rite of passage."Okay then.

Today in bullshit, Fox News is targeting Elijah Cummings and claiming he was involved with the IRS "targeting Conservative groups." Never mind that that claim has been thoroughly debunked and progressive groups such as Occupy and the Coffee Party were targeted also, and never mind that if your group's name is Taxed Enough Already any extra IRS scrutiny you might get is well deserved -- manufactured butthurt is the Fox network's oxygen. When did you stop beating your wife, Elijah Cummings? 

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Profiles in Ass-Kissery

A man was stabbed to death in the 1500 block of Pennsylvania Avenue.

Prolific serial robber has hit eight area banks.

So the session has ended, with $19 million going to film credits* (House of Cards alone claims to have spent $155 million in the state). Compare that to the Harbor Point project, an office complex for Excelon which had no choice but to be situated in the state and will net $393 million in taxpayer funds.* 


Monday, April 7, 2014

Old Man Gotten By Big Bear

A woman shot last Wednesday in the Berea neighborhood was ID'd as Jasmine Grimes, 21.*

Two Three people hospitalized over the weekend* after being shot: a man on Cedonia Avenue shot in the back in front of his girlfriend by a masked man and a man in the 1100 block of Hollins St. And police found a victim shot dead behind a house on Kirk Avenue, the ME is trying to figure out when he died. We're up to 47 official murders.
Kasiem Davis

Police are ISO one Kasiem Davis for attempted murder and violation of probation.

They're also ISO a guy in a red hat who robbed the dollar store.
So the House has voted to decriminalize the marijuanas, which is kind of amazing. Joe Vallario, defense attorney, has stood in the way of reform for ages and was fixing to table the issue yet again, this time for two years. But House Speaker Mike Busch out-weaseled the weasel, assigning the bill to two committees. Well played. ("As Saturday’s events were unfolding, one of Vallario’s colleagues on his committee could be overheard telling him: 'Sometimes you get the big bear, and sometime the big bear gets you.'")
    And here's a funny thing, assuming O'Malley signs the law and makes it a mere ticket to possess the sticky icky icky, drug "paraphernalia" -- papers, bongs, even the baggie the weed rides around in-- would still be a misdemeanor to possess. So you'll have to smoke it by holding a flaming bud between your fingers, I guess.
   But this is still good news. If nothing else it let the local news media give the green light to metaphors about criminalization going up in smoke.
   Oh, and guess who didn't vote? Admiral Drinky Dranky, who spends his weekends in the clink,* no doubt in the company of pot smokers with poor timing.

It sounds like an urban legend and police won't confirm it but neighbors swear that some old fat guy is trying to poison dogs in Hampden with dosed chunks of sausage.

A 33-year-old female science teacher at Archbishop Curley, Lynette Trotta, is facing criminal charges for sexytimes with a 17-year-old student.

City school bus drivers won a $1,250,000 settlement 
against their bus company employers for unpaid overtime.

So Revenge of the Nerds: cell phone peepers have been creeping and peeping in the women's bathrooms and showers in College Park.

Amy Holland
County alleged serial business robbers Nick Hornberger and Amy Lynn Holland indicted, linked to six robberies.

Police are ISO these robbers who mugged a guy in Owings Mills. Hey, when's the last time the city police released images of someone wanted for robbery of a person?

Not sure where Walkersville is, but their rapist sketcher is much better than our rapist sketcher. Also if you live in Walkersville beware the pointy-headed trail pervert.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Magnificent Seven

Three people shot in four hours Monday* night, one fatally. But hey--

Still! Was it the new crime plan? The horrible weather? Something else?

Everyone at Stevenson University freaked the fuck out* yesterday after reports of man with a gun-- turns out it was a couple of guys hunting in the nearby woods.

And old Joan Carter Conway is at it again, trying to keep booze bars in Belvedere.* Carter is the wife of city liquor inspector Vernon Conway* and has a history of supporting wack hooch laws and praying to decide how to vote.

Did the Sun ax the City Paper's April Fools issue, or is that the joke? In other Sun news, a chicken on a toilet.

A silver alert has been issued for 92-year-old Grant Brucker, last seen on Joppa Road in Towson.
Also in Towson, a turned-over dump truck full of dirt.

Stolen deaf puppy returned to Timonium couple.

Fifty guns found in Cecil Co home.

Monday, March 31, 2014

The Bold and the Stupidful



Sketchy rapist
.. this is the fat rapist in the Northeast with Jocelyn Wildenstein lips who has broken into (at least) two women's homes* and assaulted them (left). Is it too judgy of me, or is it okay to say that the sketches coming out of the police department in the past year or so have just not been very good?

Another DUI* for 98 Rock DJ Stephen "Stash" Smith.

"Federal fake-pot crackdown continues"

Palmer?
Damn nearly killed 'er!
Blargh, Janay Palmer, the woman who was cold-clocked by Ray Rice in an Atlantic City elevator, married him on Friday. In case you were wondering, NJ's marital-privilege law doesn't apply to domestic abuse and wouldn't apply to an incident that happened before they were married. And the incident was caught on video anyway. So I guess she did it for love. Or money. Or stupid. Barf. Gag.

Senator Jamie Raskin and Delegate Sandy Rosenburg have introduced measures to require a warrant for drone tracking but nobody's going for it.

Passage of trans-rights bill has reportedly riled the crazies. But the bathrooms! Won't someone please think of the bathrooms?! Come quickly Lord Jesus!!  /s

Larence Godfrey
Dayum, in AAC an inmate scaled razor wire.* He put a blanket over it, but still, that's pretty hardcore there Larence.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Booze Cruise

Update, there's someone in custody* for the above stabbing.


Johniece Sheppard, 21, was killed and two others, a 17-year-old girl and man, were shot in a brutal home invasion* Tuesday night in the 3800 block of 8th street in Brooklyn. An alleged BGF member, one Laser Womack, has been arrested and charged.

Oh, and there were *no* shootings last weekend.

Ian Duncan explores how accused cop-shooter Gregg Thomas (and a bazillion other perps) got out of jail after serving less than 10 years for murder on account of his "good behavior."* 

Just because some guy's last name is Humbert does not make it okay to trump up charges against him and nickname him the "Charles Village Rapist." Quarles' ruling has some interesting details about the case, and wait a minute, does this mean that the Charles Village Rapist is still out there?

Down in Lothian a helpful neighbor whacked his neighbor's stalker with a pipe-- and is now facing attempted murder charges.
Edwin Lamont Fletcher

Police are ISO one Edwin Fletcher, 31, who allegedly assaulted cops and rammed a car in Salisbury while trying to escape arrest on felony drug charges. Probably he's in Baltimore city, because everyone loves to flee to Baltimore city.

With the Nikita Levy case closed we're learning that dude had more than 1,200 images and videos* in his collection.

It's about time! Ozzy Osbourne Inc. has sent a cease-and-desist to the Brewer's Art for their Ozzy ale, which rather shamelessly features an image of his hand on the damn can.

Some enterprising boozehounds stole half a million buck$ worth of Hennessey cognac from FP Winner LTD. That 2,142 cases.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Letters for AJ

How much does it cost a developer to wheedle $400 million worth of goodies out of city hall? Oh, just guess. Lower... lower... ok, $21,750. Apparently a lobbyist is a mere $1500.

A fatal police-involved shooting in Parkville*, the deceased was ID'd as Ryan Charles Deitrich, 21. A man was also shot and killed by police in Salisbury.

Surprising but true: after a deadly January, homicides are actually down for the moment.*

Vernan Lee Cowan got 30 years tacked onto his sentence for killing cellmate Ricky Bailey. Not to be confused with homicide victim Ricky Bailey who died last December 8.

City officer Charles Hagee, who was on Jessamy's "do not call" list, was arrested after calling a call girl* (who was 14. Wonder if she really exists?).

Maryland men's motorcycle meth club conspiracy case comes to close. Also the Outlaws have an app on Facebook.

His mom says he's innocent, but it's not looking good for accused cop killer Gregg Thomas,* what with the gun being found in his house. Oh, and he served 10 years for murder.

Old but notable news:
WBAL apologized for their reporter John Patti's sloppy-azz Columbia mall shooting coverage,* in which it was claimed that the victims were involved in a love triangle. In fact, there's no evidence that the victims and the shooter had ever even met. Whoops!

Anthony "AJ" Jones
80's kids will remember:* Wergy Tergy puddin' pie, his brother snitched so he made him die*? He's been in solitary for sixteen years and completely isolated from jailhouse peers. But the lawyer says he's not the drug lord he used to be, so now Anthony Jones can call his family.
    Other memorable moments from AJ and his friends: trying to kill a rival with Drano in a syringe* and dressing up like BGE workers to try to kill him again. Putting on Ronald Reagan and George Bush masks with his pal Mookie,* his lieutenant who escaped out of Judge Prevas' bathroom window* to play hooky. It took more than 100 witnesses to take down his businesses.* But he bought children ice cream on hot days* so neighbors turned a blind eye when he set witnesses ablaze. Also, he threatened to kill their mothers, and from jail tried to kill his own stepbrother. It might make a good movie or a miniseries-type show, but if you weren't from Baltimore would you believe it? Probably no.